


The Artist and the Spider

by LonlyWanderer



Series: Birthday ficlets [4]
Category: Grimm (TV), Hellsing, Katekyou Hitman Reborn!, One Piece, Original Work, Supergirl (TV 2015), The Addams Family (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Pairings not mentioned, they're just there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-05
Updated: 2018-11-05
Packaged: 2019-08-19 11:07:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16533416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonlyWanderer/pseuds/LonlyWanderer
Summary: Tali's friend Ren(aissance) is running himself ragged with his current project, so she decides to take him on a relaxing jaunt through the multiverse to help him calm down and de-stress so he can go back to his painting without burning out. Only things go about as badly as you'd expect and random things happen.





	The Artist and the Spider

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



LW: I was asked to do a little thing for my bud Invisible Prince, for his OC Ren and mine, the little guy’s friend Tali, both of whom will be familiar to anyone who read ‘I see things that can’t be seen’ as they appeared in the special chapter. Let the madness commence. Also seeing as it took so long, I decided to wait until his birthday to upload this.

 

(PS. I fucked up in that regard too, happy belated birthday bud)

 

_ The Spider and the Artist _

 

“Honey I’m home” Tali teases as she lets herself into the house her friend Ren was currently staying in, knowing that his friends would be out, but then frowning when she hears a frustrated grunt and things falling “Ren?” she calls, heading up to his room to see him sitting in the middle of the room with materials strune across the room, his arti-tool resting on the floor in front of her feet, his easel knocked over and the potters wheel Kaos sent over as a housewarming gift while still intact looked like several things had been thrown at it to no avail

 

“It’s not right” Ren mumbles mostly to himself “I try again and again but it’s just not right”

 

“What’s not right buddy?” Tali asks, then her eyes widen when she sees part of the image he was partly through painting: she’d seen it before, sure the colours were wrong and he hadn’t captured the shape of Venominagini’s crest, but it is the same painting she had seen countless times in the Empty Universe. But how? That image had been there her entire life, and they’d only met Ren a couple years ago, The Boss was hiding things again.

 

“There’s a project in my head, dark but protective, unstable but solid, earthy but divine. I’ve tried so many times but it just doesn’t look right” Ren admits running his hand through his ashy blond hair, only then did Tali notice his signature beret was hanging from his ceiling fan.

 

Tali frowns, watching someone try draw the true face of chaos was difficult, though she admits Pickman’s attempts were amusing if nothing else, but seeing Ren look this hung up over it made her sad, which was probably why she was this quick with a suggestion “How about we go on a little world hopping road trip?”

 

Ren blinks “What?”

 

“You clearly have artist’s block, or whatever your profession’s equivalent of Writer’s Block is, so you need to take a break, have a little fun and that should help you. Otherwise you’ll just spiral further down until you burn out completely”

 

Ren nods, understanding her reasoning “But what about Prime?”

 

Tali grins wickedly “You leave that to me, just pack for a trip”

 

3 hours later

 

“Hey Boss” Pyro calls “There was a note left on Ren’s door, addressed to you

 

Ashton Prime raises an eyebrow, Ren didn’t leave notes, he spoke to people if it was important enough to be known, this was weird.

 

_Dear Ashy_

_I’ve taken Ren out for a relaxation trip as he has worked himself into a frenzy due to writer’s block_

_Don’t know when we’ll be back_

_Tell Cen I said hi, and that San’s is still my favourite Skeleton, but Brooks will always be a better musician_

_Lot_ _’s of love_

_Tali Galvan Dar Kaos, Best friend to Renaissance Ashton_

 

Prime twitches at the use of his hated nickname but other than that accepts the note for what it was, as well as the necessity on the departure. “Ren’s been forcefully taken on vacation by Tali, he’ll be back whenever”

 

* * *

 

“Why did you bring me here?” Ren’s yell could be heard even over the screaming and gunfire

 

Tali shrugs unhelpfully “I thought it would be relaxing, didn’t know Nazi vampires were going to show up, or the Catholic Church for that matter”

 

“I WILL BE THE NEW GOD OF THIS WORLD”

 

Tali groans “We need Father Anderson or a bazooka right about now, preferably both” she mutters just as a bayonet narrowly avoids piercing her skull

 

“You rang?” a Scottish sounding voice boomed behind them

 

“Took your time, your boy appears to have lost the plot, know anything about it?”

 

“I was just telling him about it” the now grinning british woman pipes in, getting glared at by the man in question “Integra Helsing”

 

“Tali, and Ren. My boss is a big fan of your associate, and based on several people’s descriptions of the one in this world, it’s clear why. Those 2 psychos could be brothers or even the same being” Tali sighs and runs her fingers through her hair, chuckling humourlessly “Now about that bazooka?”

 

Ren groans, getting the feeling Tali was about to do something really stupid, but at least it might allow them to leave faster

 

* * *

 

Tali and Ren take a long look at the old, decrepit looking mansion, then each other and collectively think ‘ _Nah_ ’. Tali pulls out the device and once more punches in a random series of numbers to open a shimmering portal

 

“Leaving so soon” a voice purrs and Tali jumps when she see’s the woman standing on the other side of the gate, the left side of her face cut open in a way she was surprised the ascended could speak at all, though no blood, whatever the Salazzle had for blood was caustic enough to seal the would in her human form incredibly quickly

 

“What happened to you?” Ren asks in concern, having seen Lena a few times and while close to Zero or Kaos’ level of crazy was rather nice around kids, much to everyone’s surprise (including her)

 

“The kid, with a hatchet. Wednesday’s mellowed out somehow despite all the hormones coursing through her veins but the little one, boy is he a little psycho. If it wasn’t for the moustache I’d think he was the boss’ kid”

 

Tali frowns, rubbing her chin “I don’t remember hearing about Serpentime being violent” she muses causing Lena to chuckle

 

“She killed her mother and both Titan teams basically on her own, with the exception of Garfeild who went after the Boss when he came to check on her. Even then she ripped the halfling’s heart out and tossed it into the ocean. It may have been WAY before our time, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen” Lena’s smile, made more creepy by the half formed Kuchisake-onna face was enough of an indication that what she said was true.

 

“It seems that now is our time to leave, if you’re really courting and Addams, wear protection, such as a helmet and a kinetic barrier” Tali advices, grabbing Ren around his waist and jumping in, hearing the reptid’s demented cackle as they leave

 

* * *

 

“Ow, what hit me?” Tali groans, wherever they were now the ground was solid and painful to hit full speed, luckily she was able to break Ren’s fall, as she could feel his head on her bust

 

“That would be the deck of my ship” her eyes open wide as she hears a familiar, though slightly deeper voice, tilting her head back she sees an amused bluenette with an obvious captain’s coat “Hello, how did you get here?”

 

“Jumped through a portal, landed in the middle of nowhere, now where the fuck are we?” she asks, winces when an arrow just barely misses her ear

 

“Mind your manners around the Captain, you’re speaking to Nylock Morgan of the Smile Pirates” A white haired busty archer growls at which point Ren pipes in

 

“Morgan!?” he yelps shocked that the guy in front of them was an older version on Morgan, Tali actually shocked he had Falchion on his hip as opposed to say Lucina

 

Morgan blinks “Ren? What are doing here and so small?” he asks in confusion, but it’s the chuckle that draws his attention and causes his signature smile to flash “Portal fruit?” he asks more casually

 

Tali pats herself down as her and Ren separate “No, a world jumping device, one of the few that doesn’t mess with Ren’s portal sickness. Plus there must be a version of him in this world too given you recognise him, so pirate or marine?” she asks, finally managing to get her bearings enough to realise where they were, plus she could feel the Boss, or at least a version of him so this crew must have crossed paths recently

 

Morgan smiles and nods “Since we were kids, and Ren’s my artist, much like your one is my dear” Tali nods before turning with a lightning bolt when she felt malevolence without a will of it’s own. She saw a crooked grin that made her heart melt for a second before an explosion of goo covered the 2 of them as well as a solid portion of the main deck “Oh no, he’s dead” Morgan deadpans while Ren looks worried

 

“Tali” he squeaks, as she runs her fingers through the goop “What is that?”

 

“Paint” she replies “But that’s all, not anomalous on its own, meaning Renaissance isn’t a logia. Also you can come out now, I was on edge and in unfamiliar territory so I shot first”

 

A slight cackle sounds from behind the mast “Given the mess you made of my double, would you blame me?” the man asks with a slight purr before stepping out with a wave of his hand, the paint goop being drawn to him before merging into a dog looking creature made of paint “Not as good as Bendy’s little inklings, but he’s a logia so what do you expect?” he smiles and winks, to which Tali’s jaw drops and she blushes

 

The man in front of them was in his mid 20’s and clearly had the physique of all men in One Piece who aren’t designed around being a wall type fighter, lean and muscular with his beret managing to contain all of his hair, unlike his other world counterpart.

 

“Ashton Renaissance I presume?” Tali asks with a smile and hand, which he shakes, as he nods and smirks to the younger one

 

“Correct, proud artist of the Smile Pirates, Any reason you’re here?”

 

“We were trying to get that from them dumbass” grumbles the boy with short, choppy white hair

 

“Cen!” Ren gasps, though he was starting to acclimatise to seeing older versions of his friends

 

“Comic Century, helmsman”

 

Tali grins happily “Impressive, anyway we’re world jumping because Ren has artist’s block so I’m giving him a distraction as well as potential inspiration”

 

Pirate Renaissance clicks his tongue, then walks over to Tali’s Ren “Come with me, I think we need to talk” Ren looks from Tali to the older pirate before shrugging, if anything happened he was sure Tali could save him.

 

Tali watched them head below deck, then realises everyone was still looking at her “Anyone play cards?” she asks awkwardly, surprised to get nods and smiles from most of them. The gossip she got from these guys was so cool, they’d just teamed up with the Straw Hats and beat the crap out of a jello man, Renaissance found a tots adorbs friend in the (Still undecided) Nico/Serpens D. Artemis and after seeing the painting she gave him as a thanks, that being of her mama and papa Tali knew a couple things, the girl had skills and Ren clearly saw that, the GrandLine is like a bicycle pump for tits because the cowgirl has huge knockers, also given what little scale she could find her papa could easily be taller than almost everyone in the real world. (Fun Fact: Current tallest living human: 8ft 3inches, Kaos: 8ft even)

 

Eventually both Rens came out, the younger looking happier than when he entered. Morgan went to make them some food while Renaissance pulled Tali aside, allowing the rest of the crew to keep Ren entertained

 

“Keep up what you’re doing, he’s got a brilliant bit of skill, he just needs to relac a little, his tunnel vision is causing him to stress out” he explains, causally waving his hands as his pain formed a familiar serpent, smirking when Tali reacts to it “So, Kuja?”

 

Tali chuckles “Sorry, don’t have the figure for it”

 

Renaissance rolls his eyes “The Kuja aren’t all busty bombshells, some are huge masses of feminine muscle”

 

“Really?” Talis asks disbelievingly

 

“Yes, when you get home, look up Hancock’s sisters. Only the Boa name links them visually, but they’re clearly sisters”

 

Tali nods “I’ll keep that in mind”

 

* * *

 

 

Lena grins as he little heir listens avidly to her lessons, Tali having purposely thrown his through a portal he reacted to because she loved how people she trusted acted around mini Ren, the urge to pet him and cuddle bubbling in their eyes. Still, Lena was a professional and she was able to control herself (Kara not so much, it took 5 minutes to retrieve him from the alien’s cleavage)

 

“You’re picking this up rather quickly; want to take a break and see my newest project from the R&D department?”

 

Ren grins, Lena did have some interesting tech in this universe so he’d love to see what she had been working on “Sure”

 

Lena’s smile mirrors his, then clicks on her computer “This is a redesign of an alien detector I had been working on before I came to National City. It now works as a scanner which helps a lot in terms of range and detail”

 

Ren frowns, partly at the complexity of the blueprint but also because something sounded off “Is that okay? Are you allowed do that here?”

 

“Its fine, I’ve had it set up so rather than commercially, it only can be sold to police and hospitals so they can do their jobs better and keep them safe. Plus it has DEO backing and information from their files on all species of alien they know about. Interestingly it also detects Wesen DNA, though it only reveals that when keyed to a Wesen due to the council having laws about people knowing about our kind” Ren nods in understanding, the information having come up in conversation previously

 

 

* * *

 

“Sky and Night, this belongs to a very odd individual. Then again it could be a corrupted Mist, I’ve never experienced a Night Flame before now if that is what you have there” Mammon says flatly before throwing the ring back at Tali who frowns. She really didn’t like this kinds of missions but given Kaos habit of his magic assimilating rather violently with the rules of any new realities (See Demon of Storybrooke for proof) this was probably better, protects him from being shot in the ass so to speak. The jewel in the ring held a sample of his magic, which upon exiting the portal shifted into the equivalent for this world. She didn’t know what this weirdo’s examination meant but he told her to pay for a reading and her inter-dimensional card worked here so who cared

 

Ren on the other hand was shocked to see the toddler sized being with a frog on their head acting like everything was normal, sure his reactions at times cause him to become that size or smaller but this one seemed A) stuck like this, and B) didn’t really appear to give a shit about their situation.

 

“I can also tell you yours you know” the duo shrugged and allowed it “The boy is a Sky, may want to get out of here before the mafia find out, and you are a Lightning, more specifically the older Sky’s Lightning, though that doesn’t surprise you either” Viper actually looked disappointed by Tali’s lack of a reaction, though given she didn’t react to the previous statement they shouldn’t have really been surprised.

 

“Don’t worry, this was just us passing through. As for my dying Will…” she smirks as she clicks her fingers and a bolt of lightning arcs and smashes a lightbulb “I kind of already knew”

 

[Much later]

 

It had taken 15 universes, 3 near death experiences (Well Ren called them that, Tali not so much) but Ren was finally painting again, though despite prodding from her, Pyro, Mickey and even Leroy he wouldn’t let them in, only leaving to eat or use the bathroom (his bedroom was also basically his studio so he didn’t need to leave in order to sleep) Finally after 3 days Prime finally got tired of Ren being a shut in (he thought this was what Tali was meant to stop) and hammered away at the door. Strangely enough Ren politely opened the door, grinning like a madman

 

“It’s done!” he cheers “Come see it”

 

“Oh my” Tali gasps, the details were impeccable and the eyes sparkled with mischief, though she couldn’t quite put her finger on where she smelt the residue before….and then it hit her “You used Pirate Ren’s paint? That’s why he pulled you aside”

 

Ren nods “ Not just that, he gave me some advice about not burying myself too deep into my work and to relax every once in a while. Also I Just used a little, for eyes, crests, symbols and highlights, helps give it a bit more life and magic. If anything can bring art to life it’s the Peinto Peinto no mi” he grins and Tali chuckles to the confusion of the others.

 

The end

 

LW: Yeah this is a mish-mash of randomness, but I hope at least some people had some fun reading.


End file.
